


"The Talk"

by AdrianaintheSnow



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Rocks from space should not have this discussion with their child, This is really short but is five chapters for aesthetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianaintheSnow/pseuds/AdrianaintheSnow
Summary: Steven gets "The Talk" from all of his parents resulting in varying degrees of trauma.





	1. Pearl

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing the next chapter of my Steven Universe AU and this happened.

Pearl had read that the earliest a boy started puberty was at the age of 9. So, 19 days after Steven's 8th birthday she took it upon herself to give him "The Talk" as the chapter in the book she had read denoted it. She'd read a few parenting, biology, and psychology books on the topic of "sex" and had felt prepared to answer any questions he had. All she had to do was draw a few detailed diagrams on the chalkboard, prepare the interactive hologram, and create an outline for the 3 hour presentation.


	2. Greg

20 days after Steven's 8th birthday, Greg had to explain sex to his very confused and slightly traumatized son.


	3. Garnet

When Steven was 15, Garnet pulled him aside one evening. She looked at him intently. "I understand 'sex' is a human expression of love."

"I... yes?"

"Have a lot of sex Steven. Have a lot of sex."


	4. Amethyst

When Steven was 17, Amethyst walked in on him and Connie kissing on the couch.  
  
"Just don't let her get you pregnant dude," she said grabbing a turkey leg out of the refrigerator.  
  
Connie and Steven looked at each other. Connie opened her mouth to correct her, but Steven put his hand over her mouth. "Yeah, okay Amethyst."


	5. Bonus: Peridot

When Steven was 21, Peridot needed a comb for her latest meep-morp. The two occupants of the room were too busy to notice her enter. Confused about what was happening she got their attention with a question: "What are you two doing?...What do you mean I can't be in here?... What's a 'sex.'"  
  



End file.
